


To the Place I Belong

by zebraljb



Series: Christmas Stockings 2019 [10]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Amputation, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kingsman: The Golden Circle Fix-it, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: PROMPTS - Merwin, get-together fic, fluff, hurt/comfort, competent EggsyHarry and Eggsy are moving on with life after the events at Poppy's village in Cambodia when they get a call.  Merlin is alive...but not the man he used to be.  Eggsy's bound and determined to get Merlin back on his figurative feet again.Dedicated to the lovely wyvernwolf, who actually let me bounce ideas off her as I was writing her gift.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wyvernwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernwolf/gifts).



TO THE PLACE I BELONG

“It stuck.” Eggsy carefully turns the revolver and hands it to the tech. “Just a second, but it stuck. Scared the hell out of me, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m so sorry, Galahad. I’ll look into it immediately,” she stutters nervously.

“Relax, love…it’s fine.” He puts a hand on her shoulder. “Wasn’t technically a matter of life and death…not this time.”

“Still…I’m sorry.”

Eggsy unstraps his other weapons and checks them in. “Knife might need cleaning, though…you don’t wanna know.”

“Yes, sir,” she says, finally able to smile a bit.

“Gotta run…know Arthur wants me to check in.”

Eggsy hurries down the corridor, calling out brisk greetings as he goes. Kingsman might have been almost taken to the ground, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot to do. Their active agents are working double-time, since they’d lost half the table in Poppy’s missile attacks. He’s also been working as Arthur’s right hand man, helping to set the world to rights one mission at a time. He raps on Harry’s door. “Galahad to see you, sir.”

“Come in.”

Eggsy’s smile of greeting fades as he sees who’s sitting with Harry. “Oh. Good afternoon, Morgana,” he says primly. 

“Agent Galahad.” She gives him a warm smile which he is just barely able to return.

“Galahad, please take a seat.” Harry frowns, and by the look in his one good eye, Eggsy knows he’s in for a lecture later. “I’ve asked Morgana to sit in on your report…that intel didn’t seem to be as good as we originally thought.”

“No, it most definitely was not.” Eggsy doesn’t TRY to sound accusatory, but he can tell by Morgana’s face that she’s taken it that way. Whatever. She needs to thicken up a bit, anyway.

He makes his report and Morgana takes copious notes. She excuses herself when Eggsy is done talking and scurries from the room. “Eggsy,” Harry begins once the door closes behind her.

“Tea?” Eggsy asks brightly. He doesn’t wait for a response and goes to the table. He prepares Harry’s cup just the way he likes it and hands it over before sitting back down.

“You need to stop blaming her.”

“I’m not blamin’ anyone, ‘arry.” Eggsy quickly drops his Galahad façade.

“Yes, you are. You treat her like you just scraped her off the bottom of your shoe.”

“I don’t! I’m always polite ta her, greet her nice, listen to her when she talks.”

“You need to respect the position of Merlin.”

“I will when Merlin’s in it!” The words slip out before Eggsy can stop them. Harry’s face is unreadable. Eggsy buries his face in his hand for a moment. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“He was…he was my oldest friend.” The way Harry swallows is his only tell, as if he’s swallowing the grief and shoving it down. “My entire history at Kingsman is wrapped around that man.”

“I know,” Eggsy says in a miserable whisper. “I get it. Ya got more of a reason ta miss him than I ever will.”

“No,” Harry says. “Loss does not discriminate. The two of you saved the world together, supported each other when I was gone.” Harry studies him carefully. “But I believe there’s more than that…am I correct.”

“On my side, anyway,” Eggsy finally admits. He’d fallen for Merlin almost without noticing. One day he just took a look at him and knew. Knew that he wanted more than a friendly handshake or a hand on a shoulder. Knew he wanted to bury himself in the jumper-covered chest and never let go. Knew he wanted to find out how it felt to place his hands on the back of a bald head for a kiss instead of weaving fingers through hair. Knew he wanted to snuggle with Merlin in front of a fire after a long day’s work. And now none of that would ever happen…not that it would have happened anyway.

“I fight every day to keep from breaking down,” Harry admits, and Eggsy looks at him in surprise. “I walk in and automatically head for his office, as I did every other day. And he’s not there.”

“I’m sorry, Haz,” Eggsy says again. “Sorry for bein’ a stroppy brat about it. I’ll be better with Morgana, swear down.”

“I know you are not intentionally rude to her.”

“She’s fuckin’ aces at her job, of course. Merlin trained her, didn’t he?” Eggsy sighs. “I just…”

“Miss him,” Harry finishes. “And we both…” He stops talking and looks down at his computer. “Hold on one moment, Eggsy. Let me take this call.” He taps his glasses. “Yes, Bors?” Harry makes a face and Eggsy grins. Bors is their resident explosives expert, and his missions usually end with the stereotypical “Earth-shattering ka-boom.” He’s been cleaning things up in East Asia, and Eggsy hasn’t seen him in quite some time. Harry slowly stands up, his face growing pale. Eggsy stands as well, ready to grab Harry if he has to…because he looks very close to passing out. “I…yes. I’ll notify Medical immediately. Tell them to contact me and…yes. Of course. You have my permission. Thank you, Bors.” Harry’s hand shakes as he touches his glasses again.

“Jesus fuck, ‘arry, are you all right?” Eggsy gasps.

“Yes, quite.” Harry slowly sits back down, grasping the edge of his desk with white knuckles. “That was Bors. He…he was in Cambodia.” Eggsy automatically shivers. “He was doing some extra investigating at Poppy’s compound, and ended up at the local hospital with a few burns.” Eggsy snorts. Shocker. “It was just a small hospital, more like a medical tent than anything else. There was a man there speaking English. They asked Bors if he could translate, since he is fluent in Khmer.” Harry’s voice is barely a whisper. “It was Merlin.”

“Wot?” Eggsy falls back into his chair. 

“Merlin is alive. The only thing they could get from him that they understood was his name. He’s been badly injured…they’ve been using local herbs and medicines to keep the infection down and…they couldn’t save his legs,” Harry says faintly. “They’ve been amputated below the knee…there are a few other injuries as well. But he’s alive.”

“I’ll go.” Eggsy jumps to his feet again. “I’ll go get him.”

“Eggsy…”

“Ain’t no fuckin’ way he’s comin’ home alone on that plane with just strange medical people. Been alone for almost two months now, hasn’t he?”

“I don’t…”

“Ya can’t fuckin’ stop me, ‘arry. Flight’s what…fourteen hours or so? Lemme pack a bag, get a jet fueled and prepped an’ get me tha fuck over there.”

“All right,” Harry says finally.

Like it made a difference. Like he could stop Eggsy from going.

 

Merlin awakens as he does most days with a throbbing pain in his legs and the weight of loss on his heart. He knows the legs are gone, he knows he can’t get them back. He knows that no matter how brilliant he might be, he will never be whole again. Never be able to protect himself in a fight, never be able to stride the halls of Kingsman. 

The kind nurses in the tiny Cambodian hospital do what they can. They’ve done something to help with the pain, and give something to keep any infections at bay. That much he can tell. They cannot soothe his spirit, lift him from his despair. But they try. They smile a lot, and chatter at him in their native language. He can see it in their eyes, their pity. 

Bors was most definitely a shock. He can tell the other man is shocked as well, his eyes widening to comic proportions as he stares at the man on the bed. “Jesus, Merlin, sir…God, it’s so good to see you.”

“And you, agent,” Merlin rasps, his voice dry and rusty from lack of use. Once he’d stopped screaming, he’d stop talking altogether. It’s not like the Cambodians can understand him, anyway. Bors gives him an awkward pat on the shoulder and leaves the room, more than likely calling HQ. Harry. Eggsy.

Merlin continues to stare at his favorite spot on the wall, a tiny hole where a rather large spider exits and enters. Thankfully the staff haven’t noticed, because it would more than likely be shooed away, if not killed. And Mr. Eight, as Merlin has come to call him, is the only creature on the planet he wants to spend time with right now. He doesn’t need pity, or salvation. He just needs to be left alone.

The next time he wakes up, it’s to the sound of the voice he loves most in the world, a voice he didn’t think he’d hear again. Not here. Not like this.

“Bors, I don’t care if Florence Nightingale walks her dead decrepit arse in here an’ says I can’t see him, I’m seein’ him.”

“Galahad, I understand. I care about him, too. But the nurses say he gets…”

“I don’t care how he gets. Merlin is a grumpy old fuck. It’s like his…thing. An’ I’m here ta take him an’ his attitude problem home. It’s where he needs to be. An’ if they don’t like it…keep ‘em outta here while I’m talking to him.”

“Eggsy…” Bors says helplessly.

He slowly turns his head and looks towards the door. Eggsy walks purposefully through the tiny hospital ward like some sort of avenging angel. He stops by the bed and stares at Merlin. To his credit, his bottom lip and chin wobble only briefly before he clears his throat, a determined look on his face. “Well. Just like a bad penny, always turn up, dontcha?”

“I apologize if I’ve been any sort of inconvenience,” Merlin manages. God, Eggsy is beautiful. He’s wearing a casual suit, tie loose at his neck. His face is tired, his eyes are red and swollen, and Merlin would suspect he’s been crying, if he didn’t know better. 

“Fuck…did Harry Hart take over yer body fer a minute? Sounds like something he’d say,” Eggsy says. “Don’t pull that shite with me, old man.”

“What are ye doing here?”

“Well, I had some free time from putting the fuckin’ WORLD back in place and thought I’d take a trip to tha place that has given me bloody nightmares fer weeks. Just a bit of a holiday.” Eggsy’s eyes are hard. “Came ta get ya an’ bring ya home, didn’t I, ya idiot.”

“I’m nae interested in going home.” Merlin looks at the wall again, searching for Mr. Eight.

Two fingers touch his chin and slowly turn his face back. “Well it’s too bad that I don’t give a fuck what yer interested in. I’m quite selfish, ya see. I want ya home, at Kingsman, where we can help ya get yer life back together.”

“I’m nae Humpty Dumpty, Eggsy. All the king’s men…”

“Ain’t talking about all the king’s men. Talkin’ about me. And Harry. And our brilliant people in medical. An’ even Morgana, who I’ve been treatin’ like dirt fer weeks cuz…cuz she ain’t you.” Eggsy swallows hard and obviously tries to grab hold of his emotions. He succeeds and glares down at Merlin. “See, puttin’ shite back together? That’s kinda my thing right now…an’ ya just moved to tha top of my list.”

“Whatever.” Merlin absolutely will not cry. He hasn’t broken down yet, he won’t now.

But Eggsy must see something in his eyes, because suddenly the fingers at his chin reach up to smooth over his brow. “Gonna take good care of ya, Merlin, swear down. Ain’t gonna leave ya again, promise. So…sorry. Didn’t know you was…I didn’t know.” The back of his fingers ever so slightly brush against Merlin’s cheek before he storms away, yelling for “whoever’s in charge so I can get my man back home again.”

Hope has been a dangerous thing for Merlin, so he’s battled it and shoved it away. It suddenly starts fighting back, desperate to leap to the surface.


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

Apparently Eggsy has become a man who gets things done, because before he knows it, Merlin is being strapped to a gurney and wheeled onto a Kingsman jet. A doctor and nurse walk with him as Eggsy speaks with Bors and the pilot. The doctor had examined him as soon as he arrived and found him fit to travel almost immediately.

“We’re happy to have you back, sir,” the doctor says. “We’ll do our best to keep you comfortable throughout the flight.”

“Thank ye, Dr. Hilton,” Merlin says politely.

“If you need anything, please let us know,” says the nurse. “Although Agent Galahad has said he wishes to care for you personally."

“Thank ye, Penelope. I appreciate it.” 

They wheel him onto the jet and quickly maneuver him onto a bed. He makes sure the covers are up and over him by the time Eggsy makes his way into the cabin with Bors at his heels. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come? It’s no problem, I can…”

“We’ll be fine,” Eggsy says in a clipped voice. “I can most definitely take it from here. Merlin is in capable hands between myself, Dr. Hilton, and Penelope.”

“Very well.” Bors smiles as he reaches his hand out to Merlin. Merlin slowly shakes it. “So very good to see you, Merlin. I’m sure you’ll be up and about in no time.”

“Thank ye for everything, Bors.”

“Sir,” he says respectfully. He claps Eggsy on the back and leaves the jet.

“We have about twenty minutes until takeoff,” Eggsy tells Merlin. “I’m gonna change into something more comfortable…do ya need anything?”

“I’m fine.”

“Just so ya know, ya get twelve ‘I’m fines’ before I start annoyin’ tha fuck outta you…fair warnin’.” Eggsy gives him a pointed look before heading to the loo.

Merlin absolutely does not smile at the ceiling once Eggsy’s out of the cabin.

 

About three hours after takeoff, the doctor examines him again. He silently lays and listens to the doctor murmur to the nurse. She takes notes and records the examination, occasionally giving Merlin a sympathetic pat on the arm. He wishes she wouldn’t. Thankfully Eggsy’s across the room tapping away on a computer. For the first time since the explosion, Merlin’s fingers itch to touch a piece of his tech. 

“May I give you anything for pain, Merlin?” Dr. Hilton asks. “I’m not sure what they were using in the hospital, but it seems like they knew what they were doing.”

“They were quite good at using the products of their environment,” Merlin agrees. “No, I’m fine, thank ye.”

“No need ta man up,” Eggsy says from across the room. “Ain’t gonna make fun of ya when ya say ya need meds.”

“I’m fine,” Merlin snaps.

“That’s five an’ we’re still over Asia,” Eggsy reminds him.

“Cheeky bugger,” Merlin mutters. “I will let ye know if the pain is too much to bear, Doctor.”

“Very well.” Penelope tucks him back in and they retreat to the smaller cabin up front.

“Hungry?” Eggsy asks suddenly, standing up. “Was gonna make myself a sandwich.”

Merlin realizes he’s ravenous. The food in Cambodia was filling but not quite something he enjoyed. “If it is nae too much trouble.”

“A ham an’ cheese sandwich ain’t too much trouble,” Eggsy snorts. He goes to the galley and quickly makes a few sandwiches. “Gonna move ya up,” he warns, adjusting the bed until Merlin’s sitting up straight. He places a tray across Merlin’s thighs and hands him the sandwich. He then puts water in a cup with a lid and hands that to him as well.

“Thank ye.”

They silently eat, occasionally glancing at each other but not saying anything. Finally Eggsy says, “Harry’s gonna be happy ta see ya. He…he missed ya.” Merlin simply nods. He knows how he’d felt when they thought Harry was dead. It was not a pain he wished to share with his worst enemy. "He’s Arthur now, of course.”

“And Poppy?”

“Long gone, bruv. Me an’ ‘arry took care of her. Whiskey was a proper bastard, though…fuckin’ turncoat. Took care of him, too.” Eggsy looks proud, and Merlin’s proud of him. “New HQ’s at a manor in Surrey. Blokes been workin’ round tha fuckin’ clock gettin’ it set up.”

“Who…”

“Harry pulled a lot of retirees back in ta work on it. Most of ‘em won’t even take pay, say they’re Kingsmen fer life, an’ it’s their job.” Eggsy smiles faintly. “Plus it’s ‘arry askin’. Ya know they’re as loyal ta him as they are ta Kingsman itself.”

“I can believe it,” Merlin says, smiling a bit as well. 

“Morgana’s been, well, Merlin, since you was gone, but now…” Eggsy’s eyes dart down to where Merlin’s lower legs would be but he doesn’t skip a beat. “Now we’ll have ta make some changes, eventually.”

Merlin doesn’t reply. He’s suddenly full and pushes his plate away. Eggsy looks at the half-eaten sandwich but doesn’t say anything. He simply picks the tray up and returns it to the galley. Merlin reaches for the remote on the hospital bed and lowers it until he’s flat on his back. “I’m tired.”

“All right.” Eggsy brushes a few crumbs off the sheets. He dims the lights in the cabin and returns to his computer. “Lemme know if ya need anything.”

“I will. Thank ye.” 

Merlin actually does fall asleep for a bit, his body no longer in tune with the idea of day and night. When he’s tired he sleeps. When he’s not tired, he stares at the ceiling, at the wall, at Mr. Eight. Now he can only look at the ceiling or the wall across the room. He sleeps for perhaps two or three hours, he isn’t certain. When he wakes, it isn’t to the sound of the hustle and bustle of the Cambodian hospital. He wakes because someone is holding his hand and stroking it. He forces himself to remain lax on the bed, feigning sleep, his head facing away from Eggsy.

“Didn’t know you was alive,” Eggsy whispers. “Hope ya know that, bruv. Had no fuckin’ clue. Hardest…” Eggsy’s voice grows strangled, and Merlin can hear the tears. “Hardest thing I ever fuckin’ did was walk away from you. Still don’t know how I did it. Still don’t know why YOU did it. Why’d you sacrifice yerself fer me? I ain’t nothin’. Just some stupid chav tryin’ ta be a gentleman. You ARE a gent, Merlin, a proper gent. Heard ya singin’ that stupid song at tha top of yer lungs, an’ then…the explosion. Biggest sound I ever heard. Wakes me most nights, hear it in my dreams.” Eggsy squeezes his hand, and sniffles a bit. Merlin feels him shift a bit, and realizes he’s reaching for a handkerchief. “Saw one of tha Kingsman shrinks fer a while, off site, of course. She helped me realize it weren’t my fault, that someone was gonna die one way or another. Was my stupid fault fer steppin’ on it in tha first place, wasn’t it?” Merlin clenches his jaw, doing everything he can not to turn his head to reassure Eggsy. He knows that acknowledging what Eggsy’s saying right now would only embarrass him. 

“Galahad, how’s he doing?” He hears the doctor say.

“Sleepin’,” Eggsy hisses. He sits for a few moments just holding Merlin’s hand. “Remember how lost I was when I thought ‘arry was dead? How I wandered around, lived in his place, tried ta BE him? Thought I’d never recover.” Eggsy sniffles again. “This was actually worse, Merlin. Cuz I didn’t have nothin’. No part of ya ta see or touch or keep with me. You was gone, an’ that was it. Harry knows where ya live, but I don’t…an’ I wouldn’t ask him fer permission ta go in yer place, anyway. Be too weird. All I had was the last look ya gave me when I turned my back on you.” Eggsy swallows a sob and Merlin clenches his other fist under the cover. “Ain’t turnin’ my back on ya this time, Merlin, swear down. Gonna be there, gonna make sure ya get better. An’ you can be as stubborn as ya want, cuz guess what, I’m just as stubborn. Kicked Harry’s arse until he got smart an’ finally became Arthur. Can kick yers, too.”

Merlin keeps his face toward the wall, ignoring the tear that slides down onto his pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

THREE

Eggsy really shouldn’t be surprised that Harry is waiting in the jet hangar when they return. He and Merlin had practically done the same thing, running into Harry’s cell at Statesman as soon as they were cut free. Harry stands at attention, spine straight, feet together. It’s on the twitch at the corner of his mouth that shows his anxiety. 

“Yer welcoming committee’s here, bruv,” Eggsy says to Merlin as they land in the hangar.

“Bloody hell. What have ye done?”

“Oi, ain’t done nothin’ but get ya here!” Eggsy snaps. “Don’t worry…it’s a committee of one. A peacock.”

“Oh.” Merlin’s face settles and he almost smiles. 

“That’s a nice red carpet, though.”

“What?”

“Kiddin’, mate, kiddin’.” Eggsy buttons his suit jacket, having changed back from his casual clothes about an hour away from the house. “Ready?”

“No.” Merlin actually reaches out for Eggsy’s hand. “I…”

“Yeah?” Eggsy says softly. “What do ya need, Merlin?”

“Nothing,” Merlin says firmly, slowly releasing him. “I’m fine.”

“Yer lucky we’re on tha ground, because that was lucky number thirteen.” Eggsy shoulders his bag. “Gonna get ya checked inta this rather posh hotel an’ then I’ll be on my way.”

“Do ye have a flat in town, then?” Merlin asks almost timidly. “Is Tilde here, or has she returned to Sweden?”

“She’s home in Sweden.” Eggsy blushes a bit. “Realized after tha whole Poppy thing that we wasn’t meant to be. Good girl, though, sweet an’ good. Too good fer tha likes of me.” He doesn’t tell Merlin the reason for the breakup…that Eggsy was weighed down so heavily by the loss of Merlin that he’d finally come clean about who he really loved. It hadn’t gone well.

“I’m sorry, lad,” Merlin says gently.”

Eggsy smiles, the first real smile he’s had in weeks. “Missed that…ya callin’ me lad…”

“Thank ye for bringing me back,” Merlin says finally. “I dinnae know that it was the right thing to do, but it was a lot of work for you, and I appreciate it.”

“Like I had a choice,” Eggsy says incredulously. “Knew you was alive, I was bringin’ ya back.” He marches away from Merlin before he can say anything else.

He trots down the steps of the jet as they prepare to bring Merlin’s bed down the ramp. “My boy.” Harry gives him a long hug. “How is he?”

“Pissed at tha world. Pissed at Poppy fer blowin’ his legs off. Pissed at us fer comin’ ta get him. Not in the best of moods. Ain’t pretty, Haz.” Eggsy welcomes the embrace. “We got a long road, but we can make him better.”

Three orderlies rush up and help get Merlin down from the jet. They prop him up into a bit of a sitting position and he glares at Harry. “I’m gone for two feckin’ months and ye go and make yourself Arthur?”

“It wasn’t my choice. I was manhandled into it.” Harry gives him a haughty look. “Maybe now you’ll give me the respect I deserve.”

“Not bloody likely,” Merlin says with a snort. Harry motions slightly and the orderlies start Merlin on his trip to Medical.

“Gonna clean up an’ hit tha hay, Haz,” Eggsy says softly. “Did my duty for today.”

“I’d say you most certainly did, Eggsy. Thank you. I know this couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“Like I could have stayed home,” Eggsy says, rolling his eyes.

He heads for his tiny suite, takes the fastest shower known to man, and falls face first onto his bed. 

 

Merlin wills himself to remain silent as they maneuver him to Medical, get him into a bed, and hook him up to all the machines necessary to find out how alive he really is. Harry stands in a corner, moodily watching over the proceedings until they start to fold the covers back.

“I can leave,” Harry says suddenly. “I know…” He reaches up and touches his eye patch. “I know how hard it is to let people see.”

Everything in Merlin’s body pushes him to tell Harry yes, please leave. He doesn’t want his oldest friend to see him broken into pieces. But pride is stronger than the embarrassment, and he tilts his chin up. “Whatever ye wish, Arthur.”

“I bet it pains you to call me that,” Harry says with a slow grin.

Merlin just barely holds onto his frown. “Everything pains me nowadays…you’re nothing special.”

“I’m very special,” Harry retorts. The blanket is flipped all the way down and Merlin’s destroyed body is shown to Kingsman for the first time. The stumps, just below his knees, are covered in bandages, but they’re still there. And his feet and calves are not. “Well,” Harry says finally, as the doctors poke, prod, and murmur. “At least I know you won’t beat my time on the obstacle course anytime soon.”

Merlin looks at him and bursts out laughing. He laughs until the tears come, and then it’s not laughter anymore. Harry barks at the medical team to leave the room and they immediately obey. Harry sits on the bed facing him, pulls Merlin into his arms, and simply holds him. Merlin fists his hands in Harry’s jacket and sobs, great wracking gulps of air that convulse his body. He cries all the tears he’s held in for months, cries for all the nights when pain hasn’t let him sleep. He cries for all the times he’d felt abandoned, that Kingsman had left him to die, even though he’d known full well that they weren’t aware of his existence. 

“I…” He tries, but he’s not sure what to say.

“It will be difficult. It will be the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to face,” Harry whispers, still holding him close. “Everyone will tell you how well you’re doing, or how good you look, but it’s not what you see. You see what you were, and what you aren’t. You’ll want to tell them to fuck off…do it. Tell them to fuck off because they can’t understand. I can’t even understand, because I still have part of what I lost. You don’t. But know that you are strong, you are loved, and that you are not in this alone.” Merlin simply nods. Harry finally pulls away, handing Merlin his handkerchief. “Would you like something to help you sleep? I know the first night…when I realized what was truly going on, what had happened, the nightmares were horrible. I know you’ve been dealing with this for a few months, but that was when you were surrounded by strangers.”

“I…perhaps just tonight,” Merlin says finally.

Harry nods. “I’ll let them know.” He stands up. “I’ll get you a new pair of Kingsman glasses tomorrow, so you can contact me whenever you want. Until then, if you need me during the night, call the nurse and have them ring me. No matter what the hour.”

“All right. Thank ye, Harry.”

“Welcome home, Hamish.”

 

Eggsy sits up in bed, sweat making his vest cling to his back. He gasps for breath, unable to get enough oxygen. He clenches the sheets in his hands, trying to draw a decent breath. He reaches over and turns on the light, still trying to breathe properly. He looks around, realizing that he’s NOT in Cambodia. He’s at Kingsman, in his room. He then looks at his bag, still unpacked and sitting on a chair. It’s there because Merlin is home. He’s here, at Kingsman. He’s not dead. He wasn’t blown into pieces, not really.

Eggsy shoves the covers away and sits on the side of the bed, head between his knees. When he’s finally able to breathe normally he slides on a pair of slippers and pulls a hoodie over his sleep shirt. He pads down the hall to the lifts and quietly makes his way to the Medical bay. He needs to see it for himself, needs to believe it.

“Agent Galahad, he needs his rest.” A nurse steps in front of him.

“And I don’t plan on disturbin’ that rest,” he snaps. “Please get out of my way.” She purses her lips and steps aside. He goes to the door of Merlin’s room and stands on tiptoe to look in the window. Merlin’s there in bed, one arm thrown over his head as he sleeps. The blankets bunch over his legs and then fall flat below his knees. Eggsy gives that a brief glance before forcing his eyes up to Merlin’s face. Even in sleep, he looks worried, anxious. But he’s there. And starting tomorrow, Eggsy’s going to do everything he can to wipe that look off his face.


	4. Chapter 4

FOUR

Eggsy sedately walks to Medical the next morning as if he has nowhere better to be. He peeks in the door of Merlin’s room and sees Harry standing there with two doctors, a nurse, and Morgana. Merlin looks over Harry’s shoulder, sees Eggsy peeking through the window, and rolls his eyes. He barely jerks his head and Eggsy’s through the door in an instant.

“Ah. Good morning, Galahad,” Harry says. 

“Arthur, Morgana, Merlin.” Eggsy nods respectfully to each of them and tries not to crawl into the bed and sit on Merlin’s lap. He looks tired and pale, but at least his eyes have a little more life to them. 

“We’ll speak with the therapists and work out a schedule for you,” the doctor says to Merlin. “Later today we’ll move you to a medical suite, something a little less…clinical.”

“And we’ll keep you informed on everything in our department,” Morgana says. Eggsy’s surprised. She almost sounds eager to hand the reins back over to Merlin. He’d thought she’d be well pleased being in charge of everything. 

“That willnae be necessary,” Merlin says, and they all stare at him in surprise. “I’m sure ye are doing a fine job. Just keep on doing what you’re doing.”

“Well, thank you, sir.” Morgana gives him a confused look and leaves the room.

“Thank you, doctor,” Harry says, and the medical staff leaves as well. Merlin sighs and lets his head fall back, eyes closed.

“How ya doin’, Merlin?” Eggsy asks, pulling a chair over and sitting on it.

“I miss Cambodia,” he says without opening his eyes. “Everyone left me alone.”

“Cuz they didn’t care about ya. We care,” Eggsy points out. “We want ya ta get better.”

“Don’t ye see, lad?” Merlin snaps, his head flying back up. “I won’t GET better. There is no ‘better’ for me. I am three-quarters of a man and I always will be. So unless you’ve been working with my staff to create a time machine where ye can go back in time and keep me from stepping on that mine, dinnae talk to me about better.”

“Funny, that exact idea fills pretty much my every waking moment,” Eggsy growls back. “When I’m not working my arse off fixin’ tha world, I sit an’ think about what I wouldn’t give ta go back there an’ keep my stupid foot where it was supposed ta be.”

“Eggsy,” Harry says gently.

“Nae, Harry, let him talk.”

“I’m done talkin’.” Eggsy crosses his arms over his chest. “Can’t know what yer goin’ through, can’t ever know that. But I can be here ta help ya when ya need me. An’ if right now it helps ya to throw yerself a fuckin’ pity party, do it. I’m so fuckin’ happy ta have ya here I don’t care WHAT ya say.”

Merlin blinks at him. “Well…someone’s matured a bit in the last few months.”

“Oh fuck off,” Eggsy says, but there’s warmth in his tone and he can’t keep the smile off his face. 

“Are we done having playtime now?” Harry asks. “Should I bring out the milk and biscuits? Time for a snack?”

“I could go for a cuppa,” Eggsy says, earning a dirty look from Harry.

“What can I bring you, Merlin? Morgana has a clipboard for you, I can bring something for you to tinker with. We couldn’t salvage anything from the old estate, of course, but if you describe it for me, I can find what you need.”

“Nae, I’m fine,” Merlin says, glancing at Eggsy as he says it. Eggsy simply rolls his eyes.

“Merlin, you cannot possibly just sit here and stare into space,” Harry says. “You will go insane, and an insane Merlin is not someone I have time to deal with. I have responsibilities.”

“Maybe Merlin could help ya with those,” Eggsy suggests. “Yer always moanin’ that ya got too much ta do an’ not enough hands. Merlin’s got hands AND time.”

“What a brilliant idea!” Harry exclaims. “I know three reports that need read and...”

“I am NAE being your bloody Guinevere,” Merlin announces. “I’m tired, and I’d like to rest now.”

Harry and Eggsy stare at him. “You haven’t even had breakfast yet,” Harry says slowly.

“Well, then, I will rest until it comes.” Merlin pushes the button and lowers the bed until he’s flat on his back.

Eggsy and Harry look at one another. “All right…guess we’ll see ya later, then,” Eggsy finally says.

“I will stop by around lunch,” Harry adds. They file out of the room, stopping in the hall. “Well.”

“Told ya he was acting like a stroppy brat,” Eggsy says. “Guess I sorta hoped once he was home it would all change.”

“I’m sure we all thought that way. We need to give him time.” Harry squeezes Eggsy’s shoulder. “I do have to get back to work.” He looks toward the door. “I’m not needed here.”

“C’mon, Haz…we just gotta give him time, like ya said.” Eggsy sighs. “M’gonna go visit Mum an’ Daisy, I think.”

“Give them my best.” Harry smiles and heads down the corridor. Eggsy goes the other direction, deep in thought. 

 

Merlin lays on his back and stares at the ceiling. Finally he’s alone. Even overnight he hadn’t slept much; they continued to come in and check his vitals, check his bandages, check that he was still bloody breathing. At least once he was in the medical suite they’d leave him alone. He turns his head and looks at the wall. No tiny cracks or holes, no Mr. Eight coming to visit him. He leans a bit and looks over the edge of the bed. No holes at the base of the wall, either. This new HQ is quite well made, unfortunately.

He appreciates that Harry and Eggsy respected his need for solitude, although he was a bit surprised they hadn’t put up more of a fight. He ignores the sadness that comes with that surprise. They were so shocked to see him alive, so happy to have him home, and yet they’d practically run from the room.

Everyone was so full of plans for him. The doctors were ready to get him into physical therapy. Morgana was ready to get him back at the helm of R&D. Harry was ready for him to take over as Quartermaster. Eggsy was ready…Eggsy was ready for Merlin to be himself again. 

Merlin isn’t ready for any of those things.

An orderly comes in with breakfast a short while later, and he forces himself to sit up. He can’t help but smile when he sees the tray. Tomato juice, scrambled eggs over toast, bacon instead of sausage. Harry Hart had spoken to the staff.

Maybe coming back home wasn’t so bad after all.

 

They move Merlin to the suite around eleven and true to his word, Harry comes back at lunch, carrying a tray full of soup and sandwiches. “I thought we could share this,” he says. He wheels the bedside table-tray over and maneuvers it into place over Merlin’s lap. “Take your pick.”

“Ye are never this nice to me,” Merlin points out. “I usually get your scraps.”

“That is a lie.”

“It is nae a lie. Remember Athens? Those beautiful twin brothers, and I got the one who kissed like he was licking an ice cream cone.”

“Ah yes...Richard and Daniel,” Harry says, sighing. “Richard could suck cock like…”

“No need to gloat,” Merlin interrupts. “Harry Hart always comes out on top.”

“I’m just glad you’re here to be envious of that fact,” Harry says quietly, busying himself with unwrapping his sandwich.

Merlin swallows hard. “See? Ye dinnae even give me a chance to choose!” Harry silently hands him half of the sandwich. “Thank ye.”

“We have a new head in the therapy department,” Harry tells him. “Amazing young man…transfer from MI-6.”

“You’re joking.”

“Tor was his uncle,” Harry says softly. Merlin nods. “He comes highly recommended. I’ve spoken to him about you, and he has some innovated ideas for upper body and core strengthening. I think you’ll like him.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Harry drops his sandwich. “Merlin, you cannot lay in this bed forever.”

Merlin glares at him, good humor dissipating. “Ye may be Arthur, Harry, but ye cannot tell me what to do with my own body. If I wish to waste away here in this bed, I will.”

“You correct, Hamish. I cannot tell you what to do with your body. I am, however, in charge of Kingsman and all its resources. You would be wise to remember that. Now eat your soup.”

Merlin doesn’t answer and plunks his spoon into the soup. He smiles as he sees it’s his favorite, chicken vegetable. “Ye forget nothing, do ye, Harry?”

“About you? No, I don’t.” Harry slowly reaches over to touch Merlin’s leg under the table. “I am here for you, and so is Eggsy. We both care about you.”

“The lad is bull-headed and rude.”

“Traits you recognize, perhaps?”

Merlin growls. “Be quite and let me eat in peace.”

Harry leaves with the tray and dishes an hour later. Just as Merlin feels he might be interested in a nap, there’s a knock at the door. Nurses. Again. They fuss over his bedding and help him relieve himself. That’s way he might benefit from whatever plans the therapist might have. He’s mighty tired for relying on others to piss or shit, and he refuses to use a bedpan. Just as they’re tucking him back into bed Eggsy appears. “I was wonderin’ if ya might like some company.”

“Why not? Everyone else has marched through here today.” Merlin glares at the nurse. She completely ignores him, to his secret pleasure. “Are ye nae supposed to be taking a few days off, lad?”

“From Kingsman and missions? Yes. From you? Absolutely not.” Eggsy shucks his hoodie and Merlin’s gifted with a brief glimpse of his perfect abdominal muscles as his vest rises up a bit. He sighs moodily. Even if he’d had a chance with Eggsy before, it’s gone now. He’s gone to hell in a very quick medical handbasket. Not only his he missing most of his legs, but his muscle mass is almost non-existent. He’s skin and bones and waste. “Been ta visit Mum an’ Daisy today.”

“How is the little lass?” He’d always enjoyed hearing stories about Eggsy’s little sister. She’s four now, Merlin knows, and if she’s anything like her big brother, she’s probably nothing but trouble.

“She’s doing well. Still doesn’t talk.” Merlin looks at him sharply. “She CAN. She can make noises an’ her hearing’s fine. She understands everything we say…guess that’s the receptive language? It’s just everything else. She grunts now an’ then…but she’s never really said much.” Eggsy shrugs but Merlin sees the anxiety in his eyes. “Doctors say she’ll talk when she’s ready, but it don’t help. It’s fuckin’ Dean,” he snarls. “Scared her ta begin with, an’ he hit her a few times before we could stop him. Guess I wouldn’t talk, either.” 

“I’m sorry,” Merlin whispers.

“Yeah, well, I just get so frustrated cuz I can’t get her ta say a damn thing. Usually I can get her ta do anything. An’ those doctors, don’t matter that I got money ta burn. They hear me an’ Mum open our mouths an’ talk like we do an’ then they treat us like we got the IQ of a potato,” he says bitterly. He takes a deep breath. “Sorry. Didn’t come in here ta dump all this on you, ya got enough problems.”

Merlin reaches out and takes Eggsy’s hand. “Ye love your sister, Eggsy. No one could ever tell ye not to show it.”

Eggsy looks down and blushes a bit, squeezing Merlin’s hand. “Thanks. But speakin’ of my flower, got somethin’ fer ya.” He picks up his bag and pulls out what looks like a ream of paper. He carefully dumps it onto Merlin’s lap.

“Jesus Christ,” he grunts. “What IS this?”

“Me an’ Daisy colored today,” he says with a grin. “I might have mentioned that I had a friend who was sick an’ sad. So she tugs out her big box of crayons an’ this pile of paper. So we colored. A lot.” 

Merlin starts flipping through the pages. It was mostly blobs of color, but here and there he could identify things like a house, the sun, flowers. “This?”

“Oh, that’s a dog,” Eggsy says immediately. “It’s one of the few words she’ll say.”

On one page there are very large letters spelling out, “D-A-I-S-Y,” although the S is backwards and the D is lowercase. “She knows her alphabet.”

“Damn right she does. Just cuz she don’t talk doesn’t mean my girl ain’t brilliant,” Eggsy says proudly. 

“The flying Ms?”

“They ain’t Ms, Merlin. They’re birds,” Eggsy says sternly. “Don’t you remember making birds like that?”

“Nae. I’m a dinosaur, remember?” Merlin says dryly. He flips through more of the papers and then stops. “She dinnae draw this.”

Eggsy blushes. “No. I did.”

“Christ, lad.” He flips through the drawings of a dog, a horse, a castle. “I dinnae know ye had this much talent.”

“Just scribblin’.” 

“Nae. This is very good.” A thought occurs to Merlin. “Thank…thank ye for using your time with your sister to do something for me.”

“Not a problem. We’re friends, ain’t we?”

Merlin is almost blinded by Eggsy’s brilliant smile. “Aye,” he mumbles.

They spend the next three hours together, Merlin mostly just laying on the bed while Eggsy chatters. The room seems empty and almost too quiet once he leaves. 

“May I get you anything, Merlin?” 

Merlin looks at the brightly colored pages on his lap. “Aye. Could I get a computer of some sort in here?”


	5. Chapter 5

FIVE

“Good morning, Merlin.” Harry beams with approval at the sight of hand weights on Merlin’s bed. “Starting your therapy, I see.”

“Nae. I am simply concerned the bed might float away, and am using the weights to keep it on the ground just in case.”

“Cute,” Harry says wryly, pulling up a chair. “Here’s the clipboard you asked for, prepared to your specifications.”

“Excellent. Thank ye, Harry.” He takes the clipboard and starts tapping madly. He does a double-take when he looks up. “You’re still here.”

“Yes,” Harry says slowly. “Wait…you only asked me here to get the clipboard?”

“Of course. Ye have a spy agency to run. I have…holes to look for.” Merlin glances at the wall. “Really…not one spider or anything?”

“You WANT insects in your room?”

“Nae. I want a spider.” Harry slowly reaches for the call button. “I had…there was a spider in my room in Cambodia.” Merlin knows it sounds ridiculous. “Its presence was comforting. It asked nothing of me.”

“So you want a pet.”

“Nae. I dinnae want a pet,” Merlin says, exasperated. “Jesus, Harry, don’t you have things to do?”

“Yes, but apparently irritating you is at the top of my list this morning.” He motions to the clipboard. “You did not ask for this to be connected to your private work server.”

“Nae.” Merlin looks back down and continues tapping.

“Morgana is ready for you to step in.”

“Good for Morgana. Charming young lady, quite capable.”

“But you’re her boss.”

“I was.” Merlin slowly looks up. “And during my absence, when ye thought me dead, she stepped in and took over, did she not?”

“You’re angry,” Harry says as if the idea has just hit him.

“As they say in the States, thank you, Captain Obvious.” Merlin shakes his head and looks back down.

“You think we deserted you, left you there to die.” Merlin doesn’t look up, and doesn’t answer. Harry is right, although Merlin knows it is absolutely ridiculous. “Hamish…we were busy saving the world, ending Poppy and finding the antidote. You stepped on a MINE…why would we think you survived.”

“Of course not. What a silly old man I am.”

“Merlin.” This time Harry’s voice is choked with emotion, and Merlin slowly looks up. “If I would have had one hint…if…” He swallows hard. “And not only me, but Eggsy. The boy was devastated when we were back on a plane and the adrenaline was fading. He cares about you a great deal.” Merlin snorts. “I know you think I’m making things up, old friend, but I know you, and I know him. Your feelings are not…they are very likely to be reciprocated. You should have seen him when we got the news that you were alive. There was no stopping him…he was like a bull in a china shop. He ORDERED me to send him to Cambodia. He would have bloody walked the entire way if I’d have said no.” Harry carefully places a hand on Merlin’s thigh.

“Ye are old and senile and probably should step down from your seat as Arthur,” Merlin says finally. But he does not flinch when Harry gently squeezes his leg.

“Now. If you don’t feel ready to return to duty as Merlin, that’s fine. We will now discuss your therapy.”

“I dinnae need therapy.”

“Oh, you most certainly do. Mental as well as physical…although I’ve been saying THAT for years. You will need to build your upper body strength.”

“For what?”

“For everything!” Harry bellows, and Merlin actually jumps. “For Christ’s sake, Merlin, I refuse to let you wither away and die in a hospital bed. You show no interest in prosthetics. Fine, it’s still early. But even if you’re in a wheelchair, you will need to tone your upper body muscles to control it, otherwise you’ll be fatigued after fifteen minutes.”

“I never said I was going to…”

“You most certainly ARE going to,” Harry snaps. “What…you’re going to lay around in bed for the rest of your life? Never sit up, never GO anywhere unless someone carries you? The fuck you are.”

They glare at each other in silence until the door opens. “Hey, Merlin, I…oh. Morning, Arthur, sir,” Eggsy says respectfully. “Am I, uh, interruptin’ anything?

“Of course not. Harry can treat me like a stroppy child anytime,” Merlin says.

“And Merlin has apparently made ACTING like a stroppy child his twenty-four seven mission in life,” Harry retorts. “So you’re not really interrupting.

“Oh…kay…” Eggsy fidgets by the foot of the bed.

“Oh, do sit down, lad, ye are making me nervous,” Merlin growls, and Eggsy practically falls onto a chair.

“So…yer doin’ some work, then? That’s good,” Eggsy says finally, pointing to the clipboard.

“Nae. This is for ye to take along.” Merlin hands it over.

“You never said it was leaving HQ,” Harry protests.

“Ye never asked. As if we cannae trust Eggsy with it,” Merlin says just as Eggsy bobbles it and almost drops it. “Probably.”

“Why ya givin’ this ta me? Barely know how ta log in,” Eggsy says.

“I’ve been doing some research on speech therapies for children your sister’s age. Games and things that encourage her to speak. Ye can do these exercises at home, no need to go see those pricks in the doctor’s office. Everything’s programmed into the clipboard, simply use your Kingsman logon to get in.”

Eggsy stares at him as if he’s grown a second head. “Ya…ya looked all that up fer me?”

“For your sister, yes.” Merlin shifts uncomfortably. He glances at Harry, who’s giving him a warm smile, earlier anger forgotten. “She deserves the proper help, and since I cannae use Kingsman resources to ruin the bastards, I can help ye in this way.”

“Thanks, Merlin. This…thanks.” Eggsy actually hugs the clipboard. “I’ll look through it tonight.”

“You’re welcome.” Merlin leans back against his pillows and sips at his juice. 

“Stopped by ta check in on ya, but also wanted ta offer ta help ya,” Eggsy says, carefully putting the clipboard on the foot of the bed. “Thought maybe you’d want some stuff from yer place…since yer gonna be here for a while. Books, clothes, stuff like that. If ya made me a list I could get it.”

“That would be nice.” Merlin blushes a bit at the boy’s thoughtfulness. “Give me the clipboard.” He thinks for a moment, opens a document, and starts typing a list, including his address. “Obviously I dinnae need shoes or socks…that quilt on the back of the sofa would be nicer than this disgusting piece of fabric…”

“I’ll take one of tha bigger Kingsman cars, bruv, so make tha list as long as ya want. Shirts, trousers, whatever.”

“I don’t really need trousers, lad,” Merlin says, his voice tight.

Eggsy blushes as he continues to babble. “Well, not yer fancy dress ones, but ya gotta have trakkies or sommat. We could…we could maybe tie ‘em off at tha knees? Or cut em, weave some ribbon or rope through…make ya cute little trousers…like back in King George’s time?” Merlin and Harry stare at him. “Oh God. I’m sorry. Too soon ta make jokes about ya needin’ short trousers? It is. Way too fuckin’ soon. Jesus Christ I’m sorry.” He grabs the clipboard. “If ya think of anythin’ else, text me. Bye.” He practically runs from the room. 

Merlin and Harry look at each other, Harry biting his bottom lip. “Oh, for God’s sake, Harry, go ahead. Ye know the idea of me in short trousers tied with ribbons is enough to give you an aneurysm.” Harry bursts into laughter, laughing so hard and so long that tears run down his cheeks. Merlin finally has to chuckle a bit as well, just from watching Harry laugh.

“Oh…oh my.” Harry wipes at his eyes. “Please make sure to let him know you’re not offended. I believe he was truly upset.”

“I will,” Merlin promises. “Immediately.”

 

Eggsy curses at himself the entire drive from HQ to Merlin’s home in London. He’d been so touched by the gift from Merlin that he’d allowed himself to revert to their old casual relationship. Obviously Merlin wasn’t ready for that. If he could bang his head on the steering wheel and drive at the same time, he would. As he finds a parking space on the street near Merlin’s home, he gets a text from the man himself. It asks for a few more things from his home, and then says that Eggsy shouldn’t feel embarrassed, Merlin wasn’t upset. Eggsy feels a little better, but still horrified at his own words. The text also includes the security code to get into Merlin’s home.

Eggsy taps in the numbers and the door unlocks. The house is musty and empty; no one’s been in it for almost three months. Normally an agent’s house would immediately be cleaned out and emptied, but Eggsy knows Harry just couldn’t bring himself to approve that. Thankfully. He looks at the list on the clipboard and finds the two large suitcases Merlin said would be in the downstairs closet. He takes one upstairs to the bedroom and starts to pack the items on Merlin’s list. He stares at the wardrobe for a moment, shocked at the number of shirts that aren’t jumpers. He’s only ever seen Merlin in jumpers. But there are vests and long-sleeved vests and actual hoodies. He grabs the ones that look the most comfortable and worn in; obviously these are Merlin’s favorites. He then goes to the drawers of trakkies and pajama bottoms and takes a handful of those as well. Even though Merlin hasn’t asked for it, he goes into the bath and packs Merlin’s shower products. He knows from experience that the bathing products in Medical aren’t pleasant. 

He does another cursory sweep around the room, trying to find the things that might make Merlin feel more at home in his temporary living quarters. He picks up the books on the nightstand and the dressing gown from the loo door. Merlin might not plan on being up and about any time soon, but Eggsy’s going to have him prepared for it. He tugs that suitcase down the stairs and makes a beeline for the kitchen. Someone will have to come back and empty the refrigerator; Eggsy hasn’t signed on for THAT. He does go through the cupboards and grab a few snacks and things that have a long shelf life and that Merlin might want to nibble at a bit. He sees a coffee mug with the picture almost warn off; obviously another favorite. He carefully packs these things into a paper grocery sack and puts it by the front door. As he passes the parlor, something catches his eye. He slowly walks in and goes to the glass enclosed cabinet in the corner. He grins as he sees some of the books on the shelves. He cannot WAIT to tease Merlin about that.

His final stop is Merlin’s office, a room he practically tiptoes into. He sees a few files from Kingsman on the desk and leaves them alone. Obviously those cases would have been taken care of by now. He does go to the small side table and carefully pack up all the objects he finds, and every single tool he sees laying about. 

It takes a few trips but he manages to load the car and still have room to get behind the wheel. He stops at a shop for a few things and zooms off to the manor. He’s informed upon his arrival that Merlin has dozed off for a bit, so he goes to Medical, begs a cart, and unloads the car. It’s hard to tiptoe into a suite when its occupant is snoring in the bedroom but he does the best he can.

“Lad?” Merlin mumbles.

“Go back ta sleep, Merlin. We can talk about all this later.”

“Nae, we can talk now.” Merlin raises the bed. “Holy fuck, Eggsy, did ye leave anything in my home?”

“I left a lot of things, including a fridge full of bad food.” Eggsy wrinkles his nose. “Gonna get maintenance ta clean that out. At any rate, here we go.” He begins to hold up clothing, refold it, and put it in the chest of drawers. “Brought tha stuff that looks comfy…stuff ya can lay around in.”

“Thank ye, lad, that was wise.”

“These books were by yer bed, an’ found tha other ones in tha kitchen, tha parlor. Tha loo.” Eggsy raises an eyebrow as he stacks the books by the bed. “Brought some snacks, things from yer kitchen. I’ll put them out front in tha other room…soon I bet you’ll be spendin’ time there, too.”

“Perhaps,” Merlin says, eyes wide as Eggsy keeps talking and unpacking.

“I did have a question.” Eggsy pulls a vest out of the bag and Merlin winces. “Since when do ya love American professional wrestling?” He holds up the AJ Styles tee. “Saw tha books in yer parlor, too.”

“It is nae just American. There are Brits, Scots, Irishmen…”

“It’s fake.”

“Of course it’s fake, lad, I’m nae an idiot,” Merlin snaps. “It’s in the name…ENTERTAINMENT. I watch our men and women get thrown around and beat to a pulp in the name of Kingsman. At least when I watch this, I know it’s staged and choreographed. They always get up and walk away at the end.”

“Jesus.” Eggsy blinks. “Didn’t think about it that way. I’m sorry. Won’t tease ya again.”

“It’s quite all right, lad. I appreciate you actually asking. Ye could watch it with me sometime if ye like.”

“I would like that,” Eggsy whispers. Merlin blushes and Eggsy continues unpacking.

“What…why did ye bring that?” Merlin points to the last thing coming out of the suitcase.

“Oh. Well…” Eggsy scratches the back of his neck. “I been in Medical a lot. I know it gets lonely, got no one ta talk to. An’ tha people that DO come in always want somethin’ from ya. Saw him in yer closet an’ thought maybe ya’d like ta have him here.” Eggsy hands over the small black teddy bear, which wore glasses and a green jumper. “If ya had him packed away fer a reason, I’m sorry. I’ll take him back.”

“No.” Merlin runs a finger over the bear’s jumper. “This was a gag gift from my staff years ago. Just never threw it away, stuck it in the closet. Very thoughtful of ye, Eggsy. You’re right…it does get lonely. Thank ye.”

“Course.” Eggsy packs up the empty suitcases and bags. “Sorry about what I said before I left.”

“I told ye it was fine, lad.”

“Still. My mouth usually runs without tha connection to my brain, ya know that.”

“I do.” Merlin pats the side of the bed and Eggsy carefully sits down. “What ye did today…even offering to do it…it was very kind, and I am quite thankful to have a friend like ye.”

“I’d…I’d do anything for you, Merlin, ya know that.” Eggsy can’t stop the words as they flow from his mouth.

“I dinnae know that…but I do now.”

They look at each other for a moment. “Well, I…I’ll let ya get back to yer nap. Maybe stop by later?”

“Aye…we can watch wrestling.”

“Yeah.” Eggsy gives him a shy smile before leaving the room, wondering why his heart is suddenly pounding in his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

SIX

“Hello, Merlin. My name is Christian.” The young man reaches out to shake Merlin’s hand.

“Hello, Christian,” Merlin grumbles. “Pleasure to meet ye.”

Harry smiles. “I’m sure I can trust you to play nice, Merlin?”

“Harry, just because I cannae walk over there and punch ye does not mean I cannae make your life a living hell.”

“Quite. You two have a nice time. I’ll be back for you in an hour, Merlin.”

Merlin glares a lovely hole in Harry’s back as he walks away, then turns to the physical therapist. “My oldest friend.”

“I can tell,” Christian says with a grin. He’s not very tall but he’s stocky. Merlin figures he has no problems manipulating people to where he wants them. 

“He tells me Tor was your uncle,” Merlin says softly. “My condolences. He was a good man.”

“He was. Explosive temper but a good man.” Christian shrugs. “When I heard about the opening here, I didn’t even think twice. Hopefully it was the right decision.” He picks up an actual paper file. “All right, sir, I have the basic intel about your accident here, but I’d like you to tell me about it.”

“Tell ye what?” Merlin asks almost nervously. No one other than the psychiatrist has asked him to tell his side of things.

“Anything you want, sir,” Christian says respectfully. “Before, during, after…whatever.”

“I…I purposefully stepped on a mine to save young Galahad’s life,” Merlin whispers. “I dinnae expect to survive. I woke up in a tiny Cambodian hospital with my legs gone below the knees. The pain is better than it was, but some days my feet hurt.”

“That is very common,” Christian tells him. “From what I’ve heard and read, it may be that way forever. Phantom pain.”

“Aye.” He’s been told that as well.

“How about your upper body? Abdominals, arms, neck?”

“All a bit battered and bruised at the beginning, as ye can imagine, but better now.”

“So nothing is standing in the way of you becoming a superhero from the thighs up?”

“Nothing except his own stubbornness,” a familiar voice says from the doorway. “Hello, Merlin.” Eggsy leans against the wall looking beautiful in a pair of jeans and a jumper.

“Galahad,” Merlin says through gritted teeth. “Ye told me Kingsman was spread thin and every agent was required in the field. Why are you still buzzing around HQ?” He doesn’t need Eggsy here, doesn’t need him seeing how physically broken he really is. There’s a comfortable quilt covering his lower half in the wheelchair, but if he starts doing exercises, it will fall away.

“Aw, to hear you talk you don’t want me around, bruv. Wounded, I am.” He gives Merlin his cheeky wink and holds a hand. “Galahad…Eggsy, actually.” 

“Christian.” The man’s brown eyes run over Eggsy and seem to like what they see. Merlin isn’t liking what he’s seeing, however. “It’s an honor to meet you, Galahad. I’ve heard many great things about you.”

“Lies,” Merlin says quickly, and Eggsy laughs.

“Everything good about me I owe to my wonderful trainer.” Eggsy actually bats his eyes at Merlin and he groans. “Thought maybe you could use some support.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Christian says. “Cheerleaders are always good during rehab.”

“Unnecessary, but I know there’s no use trying to dissuade ye,” Merlin grumbles. 

“We’ll start with just some basic movements, get your range of motion and all that.” Christian gets up to retrieve a few things.

“Mate, if this is gonna bother ya, I won’t stay,” Eggsy says seriously, his regular accent immediately creeping back. He rarely lets it loose at HQ unless he’s around people he trusts. “Just figured maybe ya’d be more into it with a friend around.”

“That’s very thoughtful…we will see,” Merlin says evasively. 

Eggsy helps Merlin out of his hoodie, leaving him in only his vest. “Well…you look quite fit already,” Christian says, obviously impressed.

“Yeah,” Eggsy says quietly, also apparently impressed. “Do you bench press your desk while we’re out on missions or something?”

“Or something,” Merlin says, blushing a bit.

“Test me, too,” Eggsy says suddenly, whipping his jumper over his head. “A bit of competition can’t hurt.” He sits down next to Merlin.

“No, it can’t.” Christian’s eyes go wandering again and Merlin has to hold back a growl. “All right, sir, let’s begin.”

He runs them each through a series of tests, figuring their range of motion and extension. Merlin makes sure to keep the quilt up over his lap at all times. Eggsy is a bit better, of course; he has constant exercise in the field. But Merlin’s always done his best to keep in shape, and he isn’t far behind. “Not bad for an old man,” Eggsy says with a delighted grin.

Merlin fights very hard to hold back his own smile. “Quite full of yourself, aren’t ye, Galahad?”

“Wanna arm wrestle?” Eggsy winks at him and Christian actually laughs.

“One of us is here for a reason, lad.” Merlin’s suddenly tired and grumpy. The two young men are beautiful, fit, and so very alive. They’re not even cresting the hill, and he’s sliding down it to his grave. “Is there anything else? I’d like to go back to my room now. It’s been an hour. Arthur was supposed to…”

“I told him I’d bring you back.” Eggsy is frowning now. “Does he need anything else? Exercises to do in his suite or something?”

“Yes…if I could simply show you a few things to do in your bed, sir,” Christian says.

“Fine.” Merlin carefully watches the therapist and mimics his actions.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Perhaps. Thank ye for your time, Christian.”

“You did very well today,” Christian promises. He glances at Eggsy. “Very nice to meet you, Galahad.”

“And you. Maybe I can come again, work out while Merlin does his therapy.” He grasp the handles of the wheelchair and maneuvers Merlin to the door. “Are ya in pain, Merlin? Do ya need meds or anythin’?”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh. So we’re back there again. Yer fine. Sounded like ya were either preparin’ fer a strop, or ya were hurtin’.”

“I said I’m fine and that’s what I meant. I’m fine. It was my first day of therapy. Harry’s making me go, so I went. I believe I’m permitted to feel a bit fatigued.”

“Wait.” Eggsy stops pushing and comes around to kneel in front of Merlin. “What do ya mean, he’s ‘makin’ ya go?”

“I can do exercises just fine in my bed. I dinnae need to be pushed down to the fitness room like a child in a pram.” He ignores the fact that he’s acting like a child.

Eggsy stands back up and starts pushing again. He carefully wheels Merlin into the suite. “Where would ya like ta be? Bed?”

Merlin will not allow Eggsy to see him like that. “Nae, I will just stay here, thank ye. Someone will be in with lunch soon, and…”

“Merlin.” Eggsy pulls a chair over to sit in front of the wheelchair. “Ya…ya know I don’t care, right? Don’t bother me that ya need someone ta push ya down tha hall just now. Don’t bother me that maybe yer legs don’t look the way they used to. Ain’t like I ever saw ya in nothin’ but trousers, anyway.”

Merlin tells the lie of his life. “It does nae matter to me what you care about, lad. I simply am not ready to go to my bed yet.” 

Something slams behind Eggsy’s eyes and there is no mistaking the hurt on his face. “All right then. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin says helplessly. He hadn’t meant to sound so callous and uncaring.

“I’ll let Harry know ya survived yer first therapy session, an’ that you’ll be goin’ back. Since he’s makin’ ya an’ all. Have a good day, Merlin.”

Merlin buries his face in his hands. Fuck.

He doesn’t see Eggsy again that day and he’s not surprised. It’s for the best really. The last thing he needs is a thing of beauty like Eggsy Unwin dangling in front of him all the time. The next morning he decides to dress for physical therapy, surprised to find a soft new green vest on the top of his drawer. It’s made for athletic activity, and he’s inspired by the fact that it actually clings to his torso a bit.

“Come in,” he says when someone knocks on his door. He is absolutely shocked to see Eggsy stride into the room. “What…what are ye doing here, lad?”

“Time for therapy, innit? Told ya I’d come down an’ work out with ya.” He pushes Merlin out of the room. “Like tha vest, then?”

“Yes.” Merlin pinches at the fabric.

“Good stuff fer workin out. Lotsa give, but it keeps ya cool. Know ya like green.”

“Thank ye,” Merlin whispers.

“You’re welcome.”

“Lad, I’m very…”

“Gonna make sure ya don’t slack off in there,” Eggsy interrupts. “Ya may only be doin’ this cuz ‘arry’s up yer arse about it, but yer takin’ Christian’s time. Tha least ya can do is take it seriously.”

“I am taking it seriously,” Merlin growls, and he means it. He’d decided the night before that upper body strength can only benefit him no matter what. If he doesn’t ever get prosthetics, he will need it to maneuver the chair as well as get himself in and out of it. If he does get prosthetics, it’s not like he’ll be wearing them all the time. “And don’t worry…I willnae waste Christian’s precious time.”

“What’s yer problem with him? Seems like a good bloke.”

“I dinnae have a problem with him. He seems to know what he’s doing.”

“Merlin! Galahad! Hello.” Christian meets them with a beaming smile.

“Here’s your patient, Christian. Good luck.” Eggsy waltzes off without another word.

Merlin expects Eggsy will soon get tired of working out in such a small area; the therapy room doesn’t have half the equipment the larger gym does. But he shows up for every appointment, wheeling Merlin down and depositing him with Christian before going to work out on his own. Small gifts start appearing as well over the next few weeks. A plate of biscuits baked by Daisy and Michelle. A book on wrestling. A flowering cactus that Merlin will have to take very little care of. Eggsy keeps a wall up when speaking to Merlin, but he continues to bring him gifts and take him to therapy. Merlin asks him why he’s not out in the field and Eggsy continues to give excuses.

One morning Merlin wakes up literally on the wrong side of the bed. He finds himself laying with his weight on the weaker side of his body, and he aches from hip to ear. His breakfast is cold once he receives it except for the hot coffee he slops down his chest. By the time Eggsy shows up to bring him to therapy, he is in a royally evil mood.

“I can do it,” Merlin mutters, shoving Eggsy’s hands out of the way and grabbing the wheels. He carefully whisks himself through the door and down the hall.

“Yes, you certainly can. Good for you, bruv.”

“Dinnae call me that, please. I dinnae like it any more than Harry does.”

“I know,” Eggsy says cheerfully. “Saw him this morning, had tea. He wanted me ta tell ya that he’ll be stoppin’ by yer room later today. Somethin’ about Morgana an’ one of yer prototypes?”

“Wonderful.”

Eggsy stands in front of the chair, forcing Merlin to squeak to a stop. “Why dontcha wanna do yer job no more, Merlin? Can’t begin ta understand what ya been through, but I’d think…I’d think ya’d be eager ta get back ta what yer good at. An’ yer tha best ever at tech an’ missions an’ all, swear down. Fuckin’ miss ya in my ear.”

“I appreciate the compliment, Eggsy,” Merlin says. He starts to say something else quite rude but falls short under the warmth in Eggsy’s eyes. “It’s all they want from me,” he admits quietly, so quietly that Eggsy has to kneel to hear him. Merlin studies the blanket on his lap. He’s still done everything he can not to have Eggsy see his stumps. “I cannae walk or do anything physical, so they push me into the rest of it. The tech. The inventions. The missions. The planning. ‘He can’t walk, so let’s just use his brain. It’s all he’s good for.’ That’s what they think.”

“Merlin,” Eggsy says in astonishment. He gets back up and wheels Merlin into the closest empty room, which just happens to be Chester’s old office. Harry had refused it when he’d taken the name of Arthur, preferring to refurbish his own office. “That ain’t what anybody around here thinks. Jesus, they’re just happy ta have ya back. Because it’s YOU, not because of what ya can do.”

“I doubt that, lad. I haven’t done much to endear myself to anyone.”

“The fuck you haven’t,” Eggsy says almost savagely. “Mate, to most of us, you ARE Kingsman. Was so fuckin’ hard here without you, an’ not cuz of what ya can do. Because of who you are. An’ I don’t think they was tryin’ ta push ya into all that cuz ya can’t do nothin’ else. They was tryin’ ta give ya part of yerself…tha part that wasn’t hurt by the mine. Yer brain is fuckin’ ACES. Always has been. I think ‘arry just wants ta show ya we still need ya. An’ we do, ya know. He needs ya. Kingsman needs ya. Morgana needs ya.” Eggsy swallows hard. “I need ya.”

Merlin desperately wants to believe that. “Thank ye, Eggsy. I’m sorry if…if I’m harsh with ye at times. I’m still trying to figure out my life.”

“Course ya are. Ain’t gonna be mended in a few weeks,” Eggsy points out. “But yer so fuckin’ strong, Merlin. Woulda fallen apart after V-Day if I didn’t have ya ta lean on. An’ I weren’t leanin’ on yer legs.”

He opens the door and Merlin wheels himself back out in the corridor. Eggsy’s words are sweet, but they don’t do much to improve his mood. He finds himself snapping at Christian and he has to remind himself that the young man has done nothing but smile too much at Eggsy and be whole and handsome. He’s working on some abdominal exercises when Eggsy goes over to the treadmill. He starts slowly and works himself up to a run, sweat dripping through the hair at the base of his neck. Merlin’s eyes are drawn to his legs, the beautiful tight thighs, the sculpted calves. Suddenly he feels sick to his stomach.

“I can’t do this today.” He takes a deep breath. “Christian, I do apologize, but…I need to go back to my room. I’m not feeling well.”

The treadmill immediately stops. “Merlin, let me…”

“No.” He looks up at Christian. “I can get myself back. No need to stop your workout, Galahad.”

“But how will you…”

“I will call someone to help me. Again, I’m sorry, Christian.”

“Of course, sir.” Christian gives him a concerned look. “I’ll see you in a few days, then.”

“Very well.” Merlin rolls himself out of the room without another word.

 

He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised two hours later when Harry enters his suite without knocking. “Gentlemen no longer knock?” Merlin says in a bored tone. An orderly helped him into bed upon his return, and he’s been sitting and reading magazines. Well, one magazine. One article. When he wasn’t staring into space and thinking about Eggsy Unwin.

“Are you reading OK! Magazine?” Harry asks, looking shocked.

“The very lovely girl who brings my meals dropped it off with me…said she figures I could use a bit of education in pop culture.” Merlin snorts. “She’s a charming little thing and I dinnae have the heart to tell her I wasn’t interested.”

“I hear you abandoned PT today.”

“Galahad is a grass after all.”

“I heard it from him, yes, but I heard it from Christian first. He was worried about you.”

“Good lad,” Merlin admits. “Good addition to Kingsman. Yes, I left. I…I wasn’t feeling well.”

Harry studies him for a moment. “Pull the other one,” he says suddenly. “That is utter bollocks and you know it.”

“Harry…”

“Hamish.”

“I simply didn’t feel well. Is that now a crime?”

“Eggsy was quite worried about you.”

“Eggsy…Eggsy needs to find someone else to worry about.” 

Harry snorts, actually makes a snorting sound. Merlin’s eyebrows raise. “Hamish, you are my oldest and dearest friend. You are also currently one of the stupidest men I know, and I have never put you and the word stupid in the same sentence. You do realize that boy is arse over tits in love with you, correct?” Harry motions around the room. “Look at all this. These trinkets, these gifts, I know he gave them to you. And for no other reason than to try and make you smile for just a moment.”

“He’s a kind lad who…”

“Yes, he is a very kind lad. But he also has serious feelings for you. I’ve told you how he practically walked on water to get to you in Cambodia. I’m the one who dealt with him after Poppyland, Hamish. I held him as he cried. He was absolutely inconsolable the first few weeks after our return. Only the immediate need for agents in the field kept him from having a breakdown. And once he got the spare time, he went to therapy to deal with his horrible guilt. Not only had he killed you, Merlin, our brains, our eyes…but he killed the man he was developing very strong feelings for.”

“He…”

“And now you’re here. You’re alive in front of him,” Harry continues, building up speed. “But he cannot possibly know what you’re going through, and he’s terrified of pushing you when you’re not ready for it.”

“I will never be ready for it!” Merlin bursts out. “Have ye taken a good look at him, Harry? He is absolutely bloody perfect. He is strong, and beautiful, and gorgeous. He needs a man who can wrap his legs around him, urge him closer, pull him tighter, dance with him. Not a freak in a wheelchair.”

“You don’t have to STAY in the wheelchair, Merlin. I hate to bring her up, but look at Gazelle. You could have something even better than what she had, and you yourself could design it.”

“It will never be enough. That boy needs a man, not half a man.”

“Hamish.” Harry shakes his head. “Your prick works, doesn’t it? I’m sure he’ll be quite pleased with it, along with your two very capable hands.”

“I don’t just want to fuck Eggsy, Harry…I want to love him.” He flings the quilt back. “Why would he ever want THIS?”

A tiny gasp from the doorway makes them both look up. “I…tha door was unlocked, thought I’d see…” Eggsy’s face is red as he stumbles over his words. It’s obvious he’s heard quite a bit of their conversation. His eyes fix on Merlin’s legs before slowly looking up at Merlin’s face.

“Christ.” Merlin’s head drops.

“Eggsy…” Harry stands.

“I guess yer in capable hands, then. I’ll just go.” He slowly turns around and walks away.

Merlin gives Harry a murderous look. “I hope ye are fucking happy, Harry.”

“I’ll talk to him, Hamish. I’m sure he…”

“Dinnae say a word to him.” Merlin lowers the bed and looks at the wall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to Draca for pretty much beta-ing her own gift chapter LOL

SEVEN

Eggsy practically runs out of Merlin’s room, heading down the hall to God knows where. He blindly turns corner, hearing footsteps behind him as someone calls his name. At first he ridiculously thinks it’s Merlin and then he remembers why it isn’t. His mind is whirling. Merlin wants him? Wants to…love him?

“Eggsy, DO stop running,” Harry says in a low voice, and the tone of his voice makes Eggsy at least slow down. “Please…come to my office.”

“Fine,” Eggsy sighs. He turns on one heel and follows Harry back down the corridor.

Harry lets them into his office and makes sure to lock the door behind them. He sits down behind his desk, motioning for Eggsy to sit along the way. “I’m not going to say anything,” he says. “I will simply listen. I believe you need to let a few things out.”

“I don’t need ta say anything. I’m…fine.” Eggsy realizes he’s using the same phrase Merlin seems to favor and groans.

“All right, then.” Harry pulls some files out and begins to make notes. “Oh, I’m going to have to talk to Lamorak about ammunition again.” He shakes his head.

“Wot the actual fuck, Haz?” Eggsy blurts out. “He don’t just wanna fuck me, he wants ta love me? Since WHEN?”

“Since you were in training,” Harry says quietly. Eggsy stares at him. “Do you wish to continue, or can I try to explain?”

“No…go ahead,” Eggsy says, settling back into his seat.

“He expressly told me not to say a word to you,” Harry begins. “But, of course, I rarely do what Merlin wants if I feel it is the wrong decision.”

“Of course,” Eggsy mutters.

“You caught his eye very quickly. Not just because of your looks, your body…but because of your spirit. Your work ethic. He didn’t admit it back then, not even to himself. But once V-Day happened and he worked so closely with you…I think it finally hit him that he saw you as more than just a coworker.”

“But why didn’t he ever SAY anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” Harry asks solemnly. “I’m not blind, darling boy. I saw the way you looked at him, how you admired him. I didn’t get much time with the two of you before Poppyland, but to someone who knows you both so well it’s quite obvious.”

“Oh.” Eggsy fidgets a bit. 

“I know Hamish…I know he compared himself to you even then. He saw a young and handsome man with his whole life ahead of him. Vibrant and full of life, eager to work hard and play hard. And then he looked in the mirror and saw the exact opposite. Old and tired and worn down by work. He wouldn’t think he ever had a chance.”

“He woulda had a fuckton of chances, Haz.”

“I know that, my boy, and if given a chance I would have told him that more than I did. But then the mine happened, and…well.”

“Yeah. The mine,” Eggsy says bitterly. He wonders if he will ever stop feeling guilty about that.

“I have a question for you, Eggsy. Why did you run out of his room?”

Eggsy thinks for a moment. “Shock, I guess. Didn’t have a clue he had feelings fer me. And then when I saw his legs…just reminded me of what he sacrificed for me. Hurts so fuckin’ much when I think about that, ‘arry. I ain’t worth that.”

“To him you are,” Harry says softly, and Eggsy swallows hard. “You know how hard this has been for him…what he’s gone through. You’ve helped him a great deal. But he thinks you were only being friendly, that it’s what any decent person would do. And he also thinks that you are something he most definitely can never have, now that he’s half a man.”

“He ain’t half a man!” Eggsy almost yells. “Wot tha fuck, Haz, talkin’ about him like that!”

“That’s not me talking, Eggsy, it’s him,” Harry says firmly. “He believes that you would be losing out even more now, that you deserve better.”

“Ain’t no one better than him,” Eggsy retorts.

“I know, my boy.”

They sit in silence for almost twenty minutes after that, Harry going back to his files while Eggsy stares at his hands. “First time I saw his legs, you know…he always kept them covered. Weren’t that bad.”

“He thinks it is. He more than likely thinks it will horrify you if you ever see them without the bandages.”

Eggsy snorts. “Seen people’s brains blow inta smoke, bruv…not much horrifies me anymore.” He takes a deep breath, an idea forming in his head. “Know I gotta get back into tha field soon…would I be able to take about a week of leave?”

Harry blinks at him. “I thought…I thought you’d want to take time with Hamish…set things right.”

“I will, eventually. Somethin’ I gotta do first. An idea…might be back sooner. But seven days should do it.”

“Are you quite certain this is a wise decision? Running away from one’s problems never solves them.”

“I’m not runnin’ away from anything, Haz. I just…I need ta put something together. Something fer Merlin. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. I’ll talk to him as soon as I’m back, swear down. Was thinking of this idea anyway, but wasn’t sure I’d have the time.”

“Of course. Whatever you need. As you said, you’ll be back in the field before you know it.”

“Thanks, ‘arry.” He stands and dips his head. “Arthur, sir.” He leaves Harry’s office deep in thought.

 

Merlin’s still staring at the ceiling when Harry returns hours later. He’s refused his meals, embarrassment wreaking havoc on his appetite. Harry reaches down and elevates the head of the bed before Merlin knows what’s happening. “Excuse me? This is MY bed!”

“It’s Kingsman inventory and I am Arthur, therefore it’s MY bed.” Harry smiles pleasantly and sits down.

Merlin’s eyes narrow. “Ye fucking talked to him, didn’t you? Jesus Christ, Harry. I ask one thing...”

“No, you didn’t ask. You TOLD me. But, as usual, I didn’t give a rat’s arse what you wanted.” Harry crosses his legs, carefully adjusting the line of his trousers. 

“So tell me…how bad was it?”

“Not half as bad as you think,” Harry says. “He only ran out of here because he didn’t realize the extent of your feelings. Please believe me when I say it had NOTHING to do with your legs.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Merlin stares at his lap.

“It’s true. He cares a great deal about you…he did long before this all happened.” Harry shakes his head. “Perhaps I need to have a training seminar on communication.”

Merlin sighs. He wants to believe it, wants to believe that at one time Eggsy thought him worth the effort. But now? He’s a lot of effort. “He’ll get over it. He’ll find someone better.”

“As he said, “ain’t no one better” than you, Hamish.” Harry smiles. “Let yourself believe it.”

“Harry, even before all this, I dinnae have much to offer him. I was a grumpy old computer geek who had to allow his life to revolve around his work. Who wants that?”

“Someone who is part of that work.”

Merlin ignores him. “Now I’m just as old, twice as grumpy, and half the person I was.”

“Hamish.” Harry pinches his nose. “He respects the hell out of you…admires you so much. You’re the only voice he wants in his ear on missions. You’re brilliant and funny, and when you care about someone, there is NOTHING you wouldn’t do for them.” Harry throws up his hands. “I don’t know what else to say. It’s quite difficult for me to compliment you so much at once.”

“Then don’t say anything.” They look at each other. “So, I supposed he’s off at the range shooting out his frustration?”

Harry actually looks uncomfortable. “No. He…he asked for leave.”

“Leave?”

“A week of leave.”

“Fucking Christ.” 

“He simply said he had something to do before he goes back into the field again.”

“Something he had to do,” Merlin sighs. “I hope you’re prepared to let this lie, Harry.”

“Hamish, the two of you…”

“There is no ‘two of us.’ Just…please leave me alone.” He lowers the bed.

 

Eggsy actually takes nine days of leave. On the tenth day he returns to HQ lugging a large box and looking completely exhausted. He stops in his tiny room long enough to shower and change clothes before making a beeline to Merlin’s suite.

He takes a few deep breaths, straightens his tie, and knocks. “Oh for God’s sake, now what. Come in.”

He opens the door. “Might I have a moment of your time, sir?”

Merlin just manages to keep from dropping his tea in his lap. He’s seated in the wheelchair in the living area watching television. “Y-yes, of course. Come in.”

“Thank you.” Eggsy drags the box in and sets it in a corner. “I’ll only be a moment.”

“No, that’s fine.”

“I have something to say, Merlin.” Eggsy stands in front of him, hands behind his back. He’s wearing his favorite grey suit, the one he feels makes him look more serious and mature. 

“All right.” Merlin turns off the television.

“I cannot possibly know what you’re going through. Ya lost part of yerself, a part ya can never really get back. An’ it’s not only tha physical. Ya gotta learn how ta be a different person. Ya move different, take up space different, an’ there are gonna be some fuckin’ pricks out there who will act different because of what ya lost. I will not be one of those people.” Eggsy swallows hard. “I will be treatin’ you exactly tha same. Yer still Merlin. Yer still the badass who tries to drown people, who drops them out of planes. Ya helped ta save tha fuckin’ world. That’s still you. You didn’t lose ANY of that when the mine went off.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin whispers.

“Guess ya know now I got feelings for ya. More than just friendly. How could I help it? Yer gorgeous, first of all, so fuckin’ fit. An’ of course yer a genius, an’ who can’t admire that? Ya looked after me when…when we thought ‘arry was gone. Ya took care of me. I need that sometimes, more than I’d like to admit. But ya never did it in a way that made me feel less of a man. Ya always made me feel like more. More than a chav, more than a kid.” Eggsy nervously rubs the back of his neck. “An’ that’s all I wanna do fer you, Merlin. I just want ya ta know that yer more than a pair of legs.”

Merlin’s eyes grow wet and he looks away. “Thank you.”

“I can see ya don’t believe me. I can’t do much about that.” He drags the box into the middle of the room, hefts a large document out of it and dumps it on Merlin’s lap.

“Jesus!”

“I been all over. University of Cambridge and Oxford medical schools. Been to the States…Tennessee and Ohio, talking ta people at Fillauer and Ohio Willow Wood.” Merlin gives him an inquisitive look. “They’re the top prosthetic manufacturers in the world.” Merlin looks down at the pile of paper in his lap. “Didn’t understand much of it, but I tried ta put it all together fer ya.” Eggsy kneels in front of him. “Merlin, can’t throw a word like love around, but I care about ya so fuckin’ much. I worry about ya, I wanna take care of ya, make ya feel better about yerself. Please know that whatever ya got or don’t got below yer waist don’t mean nothin’ ta me, and that includes yer prick. If it works, great, if it don’t, that’s fine too, cuz it ain’t what I’m after. It ain’t what I was EVER after. I’m after yer mind, yer heart, yer soul. But if makin’ yerself as whole as possible is what it takes ta make ya smile again, make ya laugh, then I’m gonna do whatever I can ta make that happen. Know ya wasn’t talkin’ much about prosthetics, but maybe ya should. If standin’ tall on tha outside makes ya stand tall on the inside, well…” He stands up and gently kisses the top of Merlin’s head. “I’m goin’ ta bed now, fuckin’ exhausted. Goin’ out on a mission in a few days…maybe we can talk or somethin’ when I’m back?”

“Yes,” Merlin says, staring up at him. “I’m…I’m not sure what to say.”

“Don’t say nothin’. Just…miss me while I’m gone.” Eggsy kisses him again and leaves.


	8. Chapter 8

EIGHT

When Merlin returns from therapy two days later Harry is seated in his living area surrounded by tech equipment. “So you’ve decided to resign as Arthur and become part of my team?” Merlin asks with a grin as he wheels himself into the room.

“If I ever make that decision, shoot me and put me out of my misery,” Harry begs. “No, this is the tech you ordered. You did order this, correct? Not my wishful thinking?”

“Nae, I ordered it,” Merlin says almost shyly. “I think…I think I’d like to start working again. With your approval, I’d like to have a few meetings with Morgana.”

“Of course you have my approval, you bloody idiot,” Harry snaps. “We need you more than ever now. But I don’t want you rushing into things if you don’t feel you’re ready.”

“I willnae be taking over,” Merlin informs him. “I will slowly move back into things…handle a few missions here and there.” He swallows hard. “Speaking…speaking of missions, has Galahad…”

“He left with Kay for Crete this morning,” Harry says gently. “I expect him to be gone at least a week.”

“I see.”

“I do not wish to pry,” Harry begins, and Merlin rolls his eyes. “But as your best friend, I believe it is my duty.”

“I’m shocked ye made it this long, ye nosy bastard,” Merlin says with a grin. “We spoke a bit before he left. He…he can be quite eloquent when he wishes to be.”

“I believe he got that from me,” Harry says proudly.

“Jesus Christ, Harry. He could be the first man ever to deliver a baby via natural childbirth and ye’d find a way to take credit,” Merlin scoffs. 

Harry runs a hand over the laptop in front of him. “I didn’t mean to rush you, Hamish. I just…I hoped that perhaps if you came back to the work you’re so good at, you’d forget what you lost.”

“That’s what Eggsy told me. I know that, Harry, and I appreciate it. I’ll never forget what I’m missing, but I believe I will eventually learn to deal with it. As Eggsy also reminded me, my legs aren’t all I am.”

“So insightful.”

“Let me guess…he also got that from ye?”

“Oh, of course not. I’m terribly shallow.” Harry gives him a wink.

Merlin meets with Morgana for almost two hours later that day and when they’re finished he’s mentally exhausted, but happy. He’s missed this, he realizes. He’s always considered the agents his children, and he feels as if he’s let them down. “Morgana, ye are truly a treasure,” he says when they decide to call it a day. “I dinnae know what Kingsman would have done without ye.”

“I’m not sure how we did anything without YOU,” she replies. “I used to scoff at the notes you took on every single mission, every bit of tech. But thank God for those notes…we would have been lost completely.”

“I like being thorough,” Merlin admits, blushing a bit.

“My notes are there for everything you missed, although they’re not quite as thorough as yours.”

“I’m sure they’re fine. Not that ye need to hear me say it, Morgana, but I’m quite proud of ye.”

“We’re happy to have you back in the big room as soon as you’re ready, Sir.” She holds out her hand and he shakes it. “Welcome back.”

He spends hours poring over her copious notes, watching video feeds from the agent’s glasses and making notes of his own. He tells himself he is absolutely not spending extra time on Eggsy’s feed, since he can’t see Eggsy through his own glasses. What he can do is listen to the voice he loves, rolling his eyes at the cheeky puns and silly comments. Eggsy might be Galahad in the field, but deep down he is still the chav boy from the estates, and Merlin loves him for it.

Some days are still better than others; when Merlin awakens with the phantom pains in his feet he stays in bed, ignoring his tech altogether. He moodily stares at the ceiling, thinking about Mr. Eight and wondering if he’s still scurrying around the hospital in Cambodia. At his worst times he turns out the lights in his bedroom, grabs the stuffed bear Eggsy’d brought back from his house, and tries to tell himself it’s worth it. Worth the pain, worth the anger, worth the work.

Eggsy’s gone the seven days Harry figured on. And then he’s gone eight days. Nine days. Merlin forces himself to ignore the calendar; he knows missions rarely go according to plan. But he’s never been on this side of it before, never been the one anxiously waiting for the return of a loved one. He’s always been so busy trying to get the agent through the mission that he never had time to worry. And now he’s worried.

On day thirteen Eggsy returns to HQ on a stretcher with burns on his arms and legs along with a serious concussion. He hasn’t regained consciousness since the explosion of the warehouse they were trying to infiltrate. Kay had managed to drag him to safety as well as carry him to the rendezvous point. He’s beside himself with guilt. Apparently Eggsy had run towards the building at the last moment instead of allowing Kay, the senior agent, to take the lead. Merlin is with Harry when the news comes in.

“I tried, Arthur, but Galahad is such stubborn fuck…I beg your pardon, sir. It is ungentlemanly to speak of another agent in that manner,” Kay says from Harry’s video screen. His face is battered and bruised and he’s sporting a large cut across his forehead.

“In this case, Kay, your words are justified,” Harry says. His lips are tightly pressed together, the only sign that he’s worried.

“What is Galahad’s current status, Kay?” Merlin asks, trying to keep himself calm.

“He’s not conscious, but the medical team has him stable.” Kay looks over his shoulder. “They say his burns aren’t severe, and there doesn’t seem to be any internal bleeding. Christ.” Kay wipes his hand over his face.

“I will be having strong words with Agent Galahad regarding his reckless behavior,” Harry says in a clipped tone. “Your actions were completely appropriate, Agent Kay.”

“I agree,” Merlin says. “For what it’s worth.”

“Thank you, Arthur. And you, Merlin. I’m going to clean up and lie down, if you don’t need me. It’s a short flight but I need the rest.”

“Of course, Kay. You’ve earned it.” Harry turns off the feed and looks at Merlin. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t think for one second that you’ll be hounding the doctors once he returns.”

“I was nae thinking anything of the sort,” Merlin lies. “As if ye dinnae want to go down there and pace back and forth.”

“You’re just jealous you can’t pace.” Harry looks horrified. It’s exactly the type of barb he would have shot at Merlin prior to the accident, but now things are different. “Jesus Christ, Hamish, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“It’s fine, Harry.” And actually, it is. Merlin is secretly pleased that Harry’s able to see past it all and act like things are the same as they’ve always been. “And I’m not jealous, because I can roll back and forth twice as fast as ye can pace.”

“Bastard,” Harry mutters. “We will stay here until he returns and the doctors are ready to report.”

“Of course,” Merlin says calmly. “It won’t take long. Four hours to get here…perhaps an hour or so with the medical team?”

“Yes. Six hours max.”

It ends up being six and a half hours, and they are the longest six and a half hours of Merlin’s life. He finds that Arthur’s office is quite large enough to roll back and forth in the wheelchair. He tries to read but his mind keeps drifting to Medical. He tries to assist with the handling of another mission but ends up cursing and yelling so much that Harry terminates his connection. “Touch this clipboard again, Arthur, and it will nae go well for ye,” he threatens.

“Talk to my agents that way again and it will not go well with YOU, Merlin,” Harry yells back, jumping to his feet.

They glare at each other before Harry slowly drops into a chair and buries his face in his hand. “I’m sorry, Harry. I shouldn’t…I’m sorry.” Merlin clenches his fists. “I feel so fucking useless, and I don’t like it.”

“Try watching your very best friend come in like this, knowing you can do nothing to help them,” Harry whispers.

“Ye forget, Harry…I’ve done just that.”

Harry slowly looks up and meets his gaze, absently touching the patch over his eye. “Yes, I suppose you have.” He sighs. “That boy will be the death of us both.”

“Aye,” Merlin agrees with a tiny grin.

“I see him like the son I might have had, if things were different,” Harry continues, and Merlin stares at him in surprise. “Smart, attractive, kind…I could have asked for none better.”

“Well.” Merlin swallows the sudden lump in his throat. “If I start to date him…does that mean ye are my father-in-law?”

“God, no!” Harry gasps and Merlin grins, the dour mood broken.

“Arthur?” The phantom voice comes over the speakers in the room, Harry’s computer showing its origin as the Medical bay. Harry jumps to his feet again.

“Yes?”

“We’ve stabilized Agent Galahad, if you’d like to come down.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you.” He turns to Merlin. “Ready?”

“No,” Merlin says, but he follows Harry out the door.

The doctor confirms what Kay had told them on the plane. Eggsy’s suffered a head injury after hitting his head on the ground. His burns are minor and easily treated, and now they just have to watch and wait as he lies in a coma.

“Watch and wait,” Harry mumbled. “The worst phrase in existence.”

“Can we go in now?” Merlin asks.

“Well, I wouldn’t…” Merlin actually growls at him. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. Just for a moment. Perhaps longer tomorrow.”

Harry holds the door open and they step into the room. Eggsy’s hooked up to all the necessary machines, buried in wires and beeps and hisses. Harry moves a few things out of the way and Merlin’s able to maneuver his chair close to the bed, close enough to take Eggsy’s hand in his. “Dinnae sleep for long, my lad.” He kisses Eggsy’s knuckles. “We have much to talk about.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only took ten days, LOL, but it's done. I hope you enjoyed your gift, my lovely Draca...

NINE

Eggsy presses against the weight in his head. He struggles to focus, struggles to wade his way through the sluggish haziness in his mind. He vaguely hears beeping and hissing, recognizes the feeling of tubes and machines. He focuses on a voice, a familiar voice, a welcome voice. The voice is close, exuding warmth and affection.

“Ye see, lad, I need ye to wake up. You’re the second most stubborn person I’ve met, after myself, and I know ye will not give up so easily.” Eggsy wants to smile, wants to open his eyes. But it’s just so hard. “Ye intrigued me the moment I met ye. I’m nae sure you know that, or that you’d believe it. You’ve lived so long thinking ye were unworthy. I understand that…because most of my life I’ve felt that way as well.” Merlin. Merlin’s Scottish burr, the lovely heat of the accent flowing over Eggsy like scotch down his throat. “I was always the outcast, the odd one. Even here at Kingsman I’m treated differently, because I’m not an agent but I’m valued. It is frustrating, I will nae lie to ye.” Cool lips press to his fingers and Eggsy wills his heavy hand to move. It refuses. “I will make sure ye know ye are worthy, my Eggsy. I cannae work as your handler any longer, if whatever this is grows between us, but I will make every weapon and piece of tech I can to bring ye home safe.” 

Eggsy’s heart seems like it’s thudding in his chest, although the machines do not seem to register the increased rate. He drifts off to sleep with Merlin murmuring beside him.

 

When he wakens for good the first thing he hears is a creaking sound, followed by a clatter of metal. “Bors, I’m nae sure how else to explain this to ye,” Merlin growls. “Just because ye CAN blow something up, doesn’t mean ye should.” There’s a pause, followed by an exasperated sigh. “Agent, I realize the tech ye have is remarkable, I invented it. But I dinnae feel that ye have the right to blow up the warehouse of a criminal mastermind just because he’s a criminal mastermind! Does the word evidence mean nothing to ye?”

“Merlin,” he rasps, his voice so hoarse from disuse that it doesn’t come out of his mouth.

There’s another clank of metal, Merlin obviously having thrown something down. “Ye will answer to Arthur, Bors. I wash my hands of ye. Get home safe, agent.” Merlin disconnects the call. “Jesus fucking Christ, I’ll be dead within a year if I have to deal with him again.”

Eggsy’s eyes slowly open and he turns his head to the side. Merlin is seated at a table with pieces of strange tech strewn in front of him. He’s in his wheelchair, legs covered with the quilt from his home. Eggsy smiles ever so slightly when he sees the teddy bear sitting at the corner of the table. “Merlin,” he tries again, putting everything he has into the name.

Merlin drops whatever’s in his hands and whirls the chair around. “Eggsy?” He wheels himself over, grabbing for Eggsy’s hand. “Oh my lad.” He presses Eggsy’s palm to his lips, tears actually sliding from his eyes.

“Merlin?” Eggsy slowly withdraws his hand and lifts it to wipe at the drops on Merlin’s cheeks. “Don’t…don’t cry.” He weakly coughs.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy.” Merlin sniffs and clears his throat. “It’s just…I was nae sure I’d ever hear ye say my name again. You’ve given us quite a fright.”

“I have?”

“Yes.” Merlin presses his lips together and looks away for a moment. “You’ve been asleep for over three weeks, lad.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Eggsy says, and Merlin laughs through his tears.

“Let’s get the doctors in here to look ye over and then we’ll have a talk.”

Unfortunately the talk doesn’t happen until the next day. The doctors come in to poke and prod at Eggsy and ask him questions. Merlin snaps at them after a while, finally asking if they really need to be doing this when it’s obvious Eggsy can barely stay awake. Eggsy falls back asleep with a smile on his face, deciding this protective side of Merlin is quite attractive.

He wakes up hours later, unsure of the exact time. It must be early in the morning because Merlin is snoring on a cot in the corner, wheelchair ready and waiting by his bed. Eggsy reaches for the remote and slowly raises the head of the bed. He wipes at his eyes and takes a good look around the room. The table he’d noticed earlier is full of unrecognizable tech, although one piece looks suspiciously like a boot. Merlin’s clipboard is charging in the corner and a jumper and shirt are hanging in the open closet.

Merlin’s eyes fly open as soon as the bed moves. “Lad.” He slowly sits up.

“No.” Eggsy coughs a bit. “Don’t…don’t gotta get up.”

“The hell I don’t.” Merlin easily maneuvers himself out of the bed and into the wheelchair. He drapes the quilt over his legs and wheels over.

“Ya don’t gotta cover up fer me,” Eggsy whispers.

“I know. I’m doing it for me.” Merlin brings a cup and straw to Eggsy’s lips and he moans when the cool water goes down his throat. 

“Ya sleepin’ in here, then?” Eggsy looks at the cot. 

“Aye…after the third day I told Harry in no uncertain terms that the only way I’d leave ye was in a body bag. I think he might have seriously considered it.”

Eggsy smiles. He loves Harry. “Why’d ya stay in here, Merlin?”

“What if ye woke up for just one minute, lad, and I was nae here?”

“I did wake up for one minute,” Eggsy remembers, and Merlin’s eyes widen. “I heard ya call me stubborn.”

“Aye, ye are.” Merlin smiles and touches his face.

“I don’t think yer odd,” Eggsy tells him. “Heard ya say that. Think yer fuckin’ spectacular.”

“Ye are in the minority, then,” Merlin says, looking down at Eggsy’s hand. “The other agents dinnae know how to treat me. I’m not their superior but I act like I am, telling them what to do on missions. I’m not a member of the Table, but I sit in on its meetings. I came back and they say they missed me, but is it because of the work I do?”

“No,” Eggsy says firmly. “It’s because yer our heart, Merlin. We had a transplant, like, when you was gone, but it was never gonna be the same.”

Merlin looks down at him with his beautiful hazel eyes. “Harry said ye were ready to move heaven and earth to get to me.” Eggsy blushes. “No one’s ever…”

“I’d do it again,” Eggsy interrupts. “In a fuckin’ heartbeat.” They look at each other for a long moment. Eggsy finally leans up to look around him. “What’s all that?”

“Oh.” Merlin actually fidgets. “Someone was kind enough to fly around the world and back to get me research materials and kick my sorry arse into gear. I’ve been designing prosthetics.”

“Wot?”

“Yes. It’s been challenging, but a good challenge. It gave me something to do instead of worrying about ye.”

“You…you were worried about me?”

“Oh, Eggsy.” Merlin leans in and kisses his forehead. “Ye said we would talk when ye returned. I was nae letting ye go without that talk.”

Eggsy looks up at him. “Ya look better, Merlin.”

“I’m feeling better every day. I suppose I’ve gotten myself out of the dark place, although I still have dark days.”

“I wanna help ya.”

“Ye do, just by being yourself, lad.” Merlin plays with Eggsy’s fingers. “I dinnae know that I’m quite ready for a relationship, not yet. I have to be a bit happier with myself first. But I WOULD like to spend time with ye, get to know ye outside of Galahad and Merlin…have us get to know Eggsy and Hamish.”

“I’d like that, too.”

“Ye are willing to wait for me, lad?”

“As long as it takes, Hamish,” Eggsy whispers. “Been waitin’ this long fer someone like you, can wait a bit longer, I think.”

Merlin searches his face and seems to be pleased with what he sees. He leans in and brushes his lips against Eggsy’s in a ghost of a kiss. “My thoughts exactly.”

 

TWO MONTHS LATER

 

Eggsy’s at his desk going over some ammunition reports when he hears a familiar whir click snap approaching his office. “Oh fuck.” He slides down a bit in his chair, wishing he had Harry’s button to automatically close and lock the door. He might have jammed an expensive gun at the range the week before, and he just MIGHT have gotten a few dents and dings in the new Mercedes earlier that day.

“Galahad.” Merlin looms in the doorway.

“Good…good afternoon, Merlin.” Eggsy forces himself to sit up straight. “That’s…that’s quite an attractive jumper yer wearing.”

“Thank you. The lovely gentleman I’ve been seeing bought it for me. Might I have a word?”

“Yes, sir, of course, please come in.” 

Merlin comes in and closes the door before striding to the desk. Eggsy normally loves the sound of Merlin’s prosthetics, loves the way they hiss and almost purr when Merlin moves, but today he’d be just as happy if they stayed back in Merlin’s office with the rest of him. “I have a question for you, Galahad.”

“Y-yes, sir?” Eggsy almost squeaks. He briefly tries to remember if he’s updated his will.

“I was wondering if you would allow me to take you to dinner this evening.”

“I swear I didn’t mean ta…wot?” Eggsy stares at him.

“I would like to take you out tonight on a date.” Merlin looks uncomfortable and Eggsy slowly stands up. Merlin’s been using his prosthetic legs for almost a month now, and he still occasionally gets anxious about them, worrying that he’ll lose his balance or something will fall apart. As if anything he builds could ever fall apart. 

Eggsy looks at him and his heart actually aches. They’ve been building something wonderful, something slow and cautious and so perfect that it makes Eggsy yearn sometimes. But he’s promised to wait until Merlin’s ready to move things along…and it seems that time has come. “I…I would really love that,” he whispers. 

“Good.” Merlin’s handsome face lights up with a smile. “I shall pick ye up at six, then. Perhaps we could go dancing afterward.”

“Perhaps,” Eggsy agrees. He beams up at Merlin, who leans down to kiss his forehead.

“Excellent.” Merlin turns to go, his metal feet lightly tapping as he walks. “And dinnae think for one moment I dinnae know what you’ve done, Galahad. Ye will be paying for it in one way or another.”

“Yes, sir,” Eggsy says, unable to keep the grin from his face as he watches Merlin steadily and cheerfully walk away.

THE END


End file.
